A Tale of Beth Ann, Gina, Dixie, Gwen,
Birgitte, Elfi, and Anyone Else with a Vagina
And FANTASTIC cover art by Anette Tremblay! Check out her DeviantArt: Midnight Whimsy. That cover is gorgeous, y’all. If ever I self-pub, she will be the artist I go to for a cover design. But enough about me! Let’s do this thang:
“Following college Frank is comfortable in his bucolic little hometown of Collins. College friend Beth Ann calls, announcing her divorce will be finalized Friday morning…and she is driving the two hours to Collins immediately thereafter.
Oh, no. Not Beth Ann, again.
amantes sunt amentes
Lovers are lunatics.”
My Rating: 2.75
I will start by saying, though I found this book entertaining, it was not the book for me. There is someone out there who this book is right for, but unfortunately I am not that person. Lee, you’re a fun guy and all my criticism is intended to better those writing skillz for the next awesome book you produce. Grit your teeth and bear with me, buddy.
I did not like the female characters of this book. It got to the point where I couldn’t tell any of them apart. They all spoke the same (in unrealistic and starchy, near robotic dialogue), they all looked the same (tall and buxom beauties), and they were all basically the same (capricious creatures using Frank for his body).
Frank is bland, with no voice and very little personality. He NEVER initiates sex, never approaches a woman, is never even looking for physical relations apparently, but it never fails. Frank is always, always approached by the “most desirable woman in the room”. And the sex happens in the same way every time. “Hang on one moment, Frank. Let me go to my budoir and get comfortable.” Then she comes back in a robe/nightgown/naked/etc. and the Tigress is unleashed upon poor, unsuspecting Frank.
Frank is, what I would call, a beta type. Throughout the novel his age progresses from about twenty to about twenty-eight. The entire eight years he is accosted by an obviously stalkerish, semi-dominatrix, Beth Ann. I really dislike Beth Ann. The entire novel Frank is trying to rid himself of this woman, who cheats on two husbands with him and develops secret pictures of Frank in her father’s basement. Yet, he cannot seem to do it. He just can’t get past that mad bod, yo.
He even cheats on two women that he has supposedly “fallen in love with” with Beth Ann and another woman. The whole time I was just waiting for the moment in which he decided to man up and tell Beth Ann no, but every time he gets close to denying her bossy and selfish demands, she pops her titties out and we start all over again.
I felt like the novel could have been cut in half and I wouldn’t have missed anything important. There were dozens of pages filled with ambling narrative juxtaposed with dozens of pages of chunky dialogue that explained plot points in depth to the reader. Something happens with Gina at the end of the book, and I thought it was a great plot point that should have been expounded upon through the entire novel. Instead, the issue was rushed through in twenty straight pages of block dialogue.
There was some incorrect punctuation throughout. ?,” Is not correct. No comma after the question mark. When ending a quotation, the comma or period comes before the end quote, not after. Also, all right is two words, not one. It’s a lengthy book, and things are bound to be overlooked. That’s quite all right.
Lee, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a better review. Like I said: wasn’t the book for me.
The Query Faerie