ENCIRCLED Query Critique

OR 

A Tale of Lost Princes, Historians,

Spellbound Prisons, and Everlasting Darkness

  

Dear Agent-of-my-Dreams:

Sixteen-year-old Elisabeth Bell Pierce held her mom’s hand and watched her die, and thought her mysterious past died with her. But when her father, fanatical historian Dr. Harrison Pierce, moves them to Bell Hall, the crumbling English castle that was her mother’s childhood home, Elisabeth discovers that the past never really dies. 

Great opener. It’s a bit long, but still effective. 

While her dad digs through ancient history on the castle grounds, searching for the answer to the infamous mystery of England’s Lost Princes, Elisabeth explores the gloomy corridors, trying to hide from the grief she can’t escape.  But when she finds a secret passageway that leads deep beneath the castle, Elisabeth learns she isn’t the only person hiding at Bell Hall.

Still awesome. 

In the endless night of the underground tunnels, Richard of York, Lost Prince of England, has waited faithfully for over 500 years, bewitched to live in darkness until his stolen kingdom is restored.  Elisabeth can’t give Richard his kingdom, but she can try to give him a future free from darkness, if only she can convince him to leave his past behind. 

As her father digs closer to unearthing England’s greatest secret, Elisabeth must find a way to rescue Richard from his spellbound prison, before her father reveals him to the worldbecause  not everything that’s lost wants to be found.  

ENCIRCLED is a 95,000-word modern Or urban? Fantasy, where a dash of magic puts a new twist on the historical mystery of the disappearance of two English princes.

I graduated summa cum laude from the University of Utah with degrees in English Literature and Theatre.  My love affair with British history began in the seventh grade, when I stole my social studies textbook for some light summer reading, and got hooked on kings, castles, and betrayal.  

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you! 

Sincerely, 

Writer 

 

This is a spectacular query, and I see nothing wrong with it. No wonder you’ve received full requests, girl! This sounds like a fantastic story, and I can’t wait to see it on a shelf. 

My only qualm is that I’m not one-hundred percent clear on the stakes. What will Prince Richard and Elisabeth lose if he is discovered? But, honestly, it doesn’t bother me that much. I think the ending is sort of perfect for the mood of the query. 

I think I love this. I am requesting an ARC, just so ya know!

  

Love, 

The Query Faerie

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